Rules for Becoming the Perfect Daughter-in-Law

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Rules for Becoming the Perfect Daughter-in-Law

My mother-in-law is great. Thoughtful, helpful, smart, and not the least bit annoying to hang out with--even over long periods of time. (And no, I'm not just saying this because she might stumble upon this article online!) And when I hear all the horror stories from my friends, I thank my lucky stars that I somehow managed to snag not only the perfect guy--but a great mother-in-law to boot. (Sorry, yes, I'm bragging a bit here. But, trust me, she's worth bragging about!)

So how did she become so awesome? Well, she gives all the credit to her own mother-in-law--who, she claims, was the best mother-in-law ever. And every day, she says, she tries to live by her example.

But while it's easy to learn to be a good mother-in-law by watching the generation before you (even if it's only to learn what NOT to do!), learning to be a good daughter-in-law can be a bit more daunting. After all, you don't have anyone to learn the ropes from and are basically going at on your own. In fact, I'd venture a guess that while many wives have a boatload of "suggestions" on how their mother-in-laws could improve, they've probably never thought about working to improve themselves as daughter-in-laws.

Enter Sally Shields, author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules, who literally wrote the book on becoming--and remaining--on good terms with your mother-in-law. Her number one suggestion? Follow the Golden Rule. As in treat your mother-in-law with the same respect that you hope to get in return.

Here are Sally's top five tips on becoming a daughter-in-law worth bragging about!

1. Send Your MIL Cards and Flowers on her 3 Special Days.

Mark down the three biggies – her birthday, her anniversary (if she has one) and Mother’s Day in your date book.  But here’s the secret –– get your husband to pen the card or Mom might get the impression that her son has forgotten her special days (he probably has!).  So consider yourself a great ghostwriter and have him sign it from the both of you.

2. Call Your MIL Regularly.

This seems like something that would be best left to your sense of spontaneity, but do not take this lightly.  Pick a day of the week (such as Sunday) to call your new Mom– preferably when your husband is not around.  If you are super busy, you can aim for getting her machine like when you know she’s at Bingo, but leave a message saying that you just called to say hi and to ask how she is feeling!

3. Ask Your MIL for Her Advice--Frequently!

This is great advice...but, if you prefer,  keep your matters on the inconsequential side such as what color to change the shower curtain to in the guest bathroom.  But then actually do it, so that when she comes over, she’ll be proud that you followed through!

4. Tell Your MIL What a Great Job She Did as Mother.

This is a proactive strategy that works like a charm. It will most likely bring her to tears-- and that is great!  Just remember that someday you too will perhaps raise a son and can you think of a more wonderful compliment that that? Surely not!  So, speaking of compliments …

5. Compliment Your MIL’s Looks–Often!

Remember, your MIL can be just as self-conscious as you are.  So take the time to notice how pretty, thin, healthy and young she looks, occasionally asking her if you can borrow a certain  item of clothing, such as a scarf or a purse. She’ll feel just great that you like her style!

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The Most and Least Taxing States to Live and Retire In

The Most and Least Taxing States to Live and Retire In

States facing shrinking revenues approved $23.9 billion in new taxes and fees in 2010. They imposed a further $6.2 billion in taxes in 2011 and proposed $13.8 billion in new taxes for 2012, according to the National Association of State Budget Officers. "Many jurisdictions, many states, many counties, are broke," said Carol Kokinis-Graves, senior writer analyst at Riverwoods (Ill.)-based tax and accounting firm CCH, a Wolters Kluwer business. Along with cutting services, states are getting creative in finding additional revenues. (Think: taxes on yoga classes and lots more "sin" taxes.)

The Tax Foundation annually releases state-local tax burdens for the residents of each state. The burdens are effective tax rates calculated by totaling state-local level taxes paid by taxpayers in each state, then dividing by their income. The burdens also reflect the economic incidence of taxes that are commonly shifted to out-of-state taxpayers.

Does your state lead the pack in levying taxes on income, property, consumption, inheritance, and whatever else it can dream up? Read on to see which states make you pay the most — and the least.

5 Highest State Tax Burdens

1. Connecticut

Income tax: 5%

Sales tax: 6.35%

Property tax per capita: $2,381

Inheritance tax: 7.2% to 16% with $2 million exemption

High taxes in Connecticut are paired with the nation's highest income per capita--$56,001 per person in 2010, according to the Bureau of Economic Analysis. A sales tax increase took effect in July, raising the rate, from 6 percent to 6.35 percent, and adding a further 3 percentage-point levy on luxury goods such as expensive cars and boats. The state collects the third-highest property taxes per capita and is one of 14 states to tax Social Security income, according to CCH.

2. New Jersey

Income tax: 6.37%

Sales tax: 7%

Property tax per capita: $2,625

Inheritance tax: See note*

Regularly listed as a state with one of the highest tax burdens, New Jersey is cited by the Tax Foundation as having the country's highest property tax per capita. It is also one of 14 states to tax Social Security income, according to CCH.

* Transfer to a spouse, lineal descendant, or charitable organization is tax-free; transfer to children-in-law is taxed at 11 percent to 16 percent; all other transfers are taxed at 15 percent to 16 percent.

3. New York

Income tax: 7.85% (8.97% on income over $500,001)

Sales tax: 4%

Property tax per capita: $2,009

Inheritance tax: Estate taxes range from 0.8% to 16%

The high taxes paid by New Yorkers aren't helping to offset a big decline in revenue amid recession. An oft-suggested, ever-controversial stock transfer tax seems to be off the table. A smoke break to think about how much New York would make whenever a share changes hands is not recommended because the state has the country's highest cigarette tax, at $4.35 a pack.

4. Massachusetts

Income tax: 5.3% (flat tax rate)

Sales tax: 6.25%

Property tax per capita: $1,789

Inheritance tax: Estate taxes range from 0.8% to 16%

Even though Massachusetts residents are saddled with the highest amount of debt per person in the U.S.--$11,357 apiece in 2009, according to the Tax Foundation--it seems likely that the state income tax rate will be reduced this year. Voters moved to reduce it to 5 percent years ago but the change has been blocked by lawmakers. With a $2 billion increase in tax revenue due to a strengthening economy--$723 million over the projected take--the tax rate will likely go from 5.3 percent to 5.25 percent, according to MassLive.

5. Maryland

Income tax: 5.5%

Sales tax: 6%

Property tax per capita: $1,171

Inheritance tax: See note*

Sales tax increases are in the cards for Maryland residents. In 2010, income tax brought in $6.2 billion, compared to $3.8 billion in sales tax. With a budget deficit of more than $1 billion looming, lawmakers are looking at tax increases on gasoline, medicine, online shopping, and snacks. A proposed increase in the sales tax on alcohol, from 6 percent to 9 percent, is expected to add $84.8 million to Maryland's 2012 revenue.

* Spouse and linear-descendant and sibling transfer is tax-free; all other transfers are taxed at 10 percent.

5 Lowest State Tax Burdens

1. Mississippi

Income tax: 5%

Sales tax: 7%

Property tax per capita: $785

Inheritance tax: None

Savers will be gratified to find that recent rule changes in Mississippi exempt all IRAs from income tax. The change makes Mississippi one of four states to allow citizens to contribute to retirement accounts without paying state income tax on the money. Mississippi has no inheritance or estate tax.

2. South Carolina

Income tax: 7%

Sales tax: 6%

Property tax per capita: $963

Inheritance tax: None

South Carolina had the least tax collections per person in 2009 (the most recent year available), according to the Tax Foundation. including corporate taxes. If you are looking to get married, the state has a $50 tax credit for prior counseling.

3. Tennessee

Income tax: None

Sales tax: 7%

Property tax per capita: $752

Inheritance tax: See note*

Tennessee does not tax income, apart from a 6 percent levy on interest and dividends. Capital gains are exempt. Still, investors should be aware that the state inheritance tax allows tax-free transfer only to a spouse.

* Transfer to a spouse is tax-free; all other transfers are taxed at 5.5 percent to 9.5 percent.

4. Alabama

Income tax: 5%*

Sales tax: 4%*

Property tax per capita: $495**

Inheritance tax: None*

With low state debt, Alabama ranks among the states with the lowest taxes collected per capita--$1,770 per person in 2009, according to U.S. Census data and the Tax Foundation. It also has the lowest state and local property tax collections per person. At least one obsolete tax law remains on the books--Alabama's tax for the neediest Confederate veterans from the Civil War. The tax now supports the 102-acre Confederate Memorial Park, built on the site of the Old Soldiers Home for Confederate Veterans and complete with a museum (left), according to an article by the Associated Press.

* Income (highest bracket available), sales, and inheritance tax information were provided by CCH, a Wolters Kluwer business.

** Property tax statistics are derived from a Tax Foundation analysis of 2008 U.S. Census Bureau data.

5. Alaska

Income tax: None

Sales tax: None

Property tax per capita: $1,559

Inheritance tax: None

Alaska gets significant income from corporate taxes, mostly from the oil-and-gas industry. The state collects high revenue per person--$7,145 in 2009, according to the Tax Foundation--without collecting income, sales, or inheritance tax. Local investors don't pay state tax on capital gains because there is no income tax. However, at $1,559 per person, property taxes are relatively high.

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